Obama to Lieberman: Get your ugly fucking goldbricking ass out of my beachfront community...

BHO can put the LBJ on Poor Joe Lieberman because Leebs doesn't have any friends in the Senate. And he doesn't have any friends in the Senate because everyone realizes that by January 2009, Virginia is going to have two Democratic Senators for the first time since the era of Harry Byrd. That's a clear majority, my friends, even if all six of the seats in play go red. I drink your milkshake.

Viz., Joe on a McCain conference call:

"If Israel is in danger today, it’s not because of American foreign policy which has been strongly supportive of Israel in every way, it is not because what we have done in Iraq, it is because Iran is a fanatical terrorist, expansionist state and has a leader and a leadership that constantly threatens to extinguish the state of Israel." (emphasis mine)

See how energetic he gets by the end? Weird, right? Nervous about something...

Assuming he's off the squad, how will Republicans swallow his pro-labor, pro-choice, pro-amnesty platform? What will it be like to be the most junior Republican Senator?

What's it going to be like for Joe to sit between Jim Bunning and Tom Coburn? Won't Jim De Mint kick his ass every day for his lunch money?

Joe is wrong about The Consequences of Leaving Iraq, The Persian Menace, and The Rise of Islamofascism; won't the Republican Party be seeking people who can read the international tea-leaves a trifle better? Don't they need fewer, rather than more such braying jackasses? Lieberman has virtually the same foreign policy weltanschaaung as Rick Santorum, who now writes unfunny op-eds in the vein of his wrestling commercial...

I'm saying Lieberman's future is bleak.

So what was in that conversation on the Senate floor?

"Joe. Come here. Let me explain something to you. Personally, I don't give a shit if you work for the old man. Your conscience is free. Kill babies, run over old ladies in the Piggly Wiggly. Whatever. My position is this. If you persist in sniping at me from my side of the aisle, you will live out the rest of your term in agonizing fucking pain."

"B-but --"

"Agonizing pain. No reason why you should rank. No reason why you should have a nice office, or your own sub-committees --"

"B-but, Rules --"

"Rules? Fuck Rules. This is what I'm saying to you. You go make peace with those Ku Klux across the aisle. Because you know what? Fuck your seniority. Lyndon Johnson said fuck your seniority --"

"But I'm the decider --"

"You're not deciding shit Lieberman. You haven't been all Congress. I don't like your jerkoff name; I don't like your jerkoff face; and I don't like you, jerkoff."

Exeunt
--
ds

Reruns of wars...

John the Evangel was an oil industry tout.

Imagine if "wars and rumours of wars," had hit the headlines last week, when light sweet crude hit 135 on speculation that it would reach 150 later. This, to my illiterate eye, looks like self-fulfilling prophecy, or a corrupt enterprise, but that's how markets work. Add to the rumor some dick-waving by the man in charge of Israel's school buses:

Traders also zeroed in on remarks by an Israeli Cabinet minister who was quoted as saying his country will attack Iran if it doesn't abandon its nuclear program. Transportation Minister Shaul Mofaz added that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad "will disappear before Israel does,"[...]

and we got ourselves a party!

This is why I never get tired of deflating expectations of all-out war in west Asia. There's always some illiterate villager transported into the spotlight, ready to spike oil prices with a phrase.

Mr. Mofaz, of course our friend Mahmoud will be gone before Israel is: Ali Larijani got elected Majlis speaker last week, and has promptly set about persuading the world of Iran's pragmatism. (Also, he's persuading Iranians to develop issues-based politics, rather than the politics of personality. Since it took the French 200 years -- from the Marquis de Lafayette to Charles de Gaulle -- to figure that out, Dark Steer wishes luck to the Iranian Majlis.) Rather than call the IAEA a bunch of little devils, he points to the time and money they're wasting, sounding for all the world like Bob Novak talking about the prosecution of Scooter Libby, viz.:

[...] Fitzgerald's long, expensive investigation found no violation of the Intelligence Identities Protection Act, if only because Plame was not covered by it.

In fact, Larijani and the American Right should come to terms at what I'm now calling the Plame Nexus: external investigations, national sovereignty, and presidential prerogative. Both see obfuscation and stonewalling as legitimate secrecy in the interest of national security; both resent special investigators, call their enemies evil, and rig elections. Both quash challenges to their rule by the backdoor; one by removing from election rolls all progressive politicians, the other by firing insufficiently Bushite Assistant Attorneys General.

The Iranian regime, in effect, is a wet-dream version of the Bush adminstration. Imagine the power to shut down newspapers, imprison journalists, exile agitators! The Patriot Act is for fags...

The main difference between Bushites and the incipient Larijani administration is that only one group sees its influence over Middle Eastern geopolitics as stabilizing. Bushites are content to let havoc reign, begging Israel to pop off at Lebanon again, or Syria, or Iran; ignoring the fatal conflict between our arming Sunnis in Iraq and officially backing a Shiite central government; making sure the shadow-conflict with Iran is still audible amid the continuous din of news in the acutal world. Larijani, on the other hand, remains on some Walter-Sobchak-calmer-than-you-are shit.

So wait for the Speaker to make some comments on oil prices soon. Maybe the administration will finally get the idea, and the next time someone's Minister of Motorboats talks shit, someone else will be there to flip his wig...
--
ds

Walls come tumbling...

...i also want barryhussein to end a few more speeches with "god bless america." i think this subtle addition, which he can pull off well, does two things. one- it sounds damned presidential. two- it helps dispel the nagging muslim rumor and endears him subtly to the christian center-right, whom i'm convinced he shoudl [sic] make a run at this election. the man can give a sermon. we set him loose on the evangelicals and we watch them flood in. of this, i am certain.
-Ya Boy Koan, February of 2008

We here at the Dark Steer Report bring this demented missive from a disturbed mind to your attention, Dear Reader, because news has leaked of the coming Evangelical Incursion:

...Barack Obama's campaign will unveil a major new program to attract younger Evangelicals and Catholics to their campaign.

It's called the "Joshua Generation Project." The name is based on the biblical story of how Joshua's generation led the Israelites into the Promised Land.

A source close to the Obama campaign tells The Brody File the following:

"The Joshua Generation project will be the Obama campaign's outreach to young people of faith. There's unprecedented energy and excitement for Obama among young evangelicals and Catholics. The Joshua Generation project will tap into that excitement and provide young people of faith opportunities to stand up for their values and move the campaign forward."

The official rollout won't be for another two weeks or so, but The Brody File has been told the activities will include house parties, blogging, concerts and more.

The Joshua Generation, eh? Well, potential legal issues aside, it is our (not so) humble opinion that the Evangelical Incursion stands a strong chance of being a smashing success. Strong potential here that Obama could pull off the scummiest ninja moment of the summer and slip a mickey to Christ at his own supper. There is a great potential for seismic shift in the Evangelical poiltical landscape, as the good, God-fearing folks at numerous other blogs have noted:

But from where I sit, Obama shouldn’t have too much trouble getting 40% of the evangelical vote. He might even get more.

Consider how the landscape has changed over the last four years. Howard Dean is breaking bread with Richard Land. Barack Obama is hanging out with Rick Warren. The entire religious-right establishment decides early on that John McCain is completely unacceptable as the Republican presidential nominee, and yet, McCain wins the party’s nod fairly easily.

Can Obama get 40% of the evangelical vote? Of course he can.

Walnuts the Baptist (kudos, again, to the Carpetbaggers) has proved to be unable to capitalize on the massive head start he had in consolidating his base. The Christians don't trust him. His position on abortion is shaky at best and his protestations to the contrary ring false and forced. If Obama can engage in a sustained outreach to this voting group, there's a serious chance of upheaval in this group. I mean, moreso than the overall potential for seismic political shift.

He's throwing rocks this year. Those guys're dead in the water.

Obama and the Politics of (You'd Better) Hope (I Don't Kick Your Ass...)

An event in the hallowed chambers of the Senate made the rounds of the internets last week. Seems good old BarryHussein cornered noted human paraquat Joe(mentum) Lieberman in the Senate and proceeded to drink his milkshake. Right in front of him.

Furthermore, during a Senate vote Wednesday, Obama dragged Lieberman by the hand to a far corner of the Senate chamber and engaged in what appeared to reporters in the gallery as an intense, three-minute conversation.

While it was unclear what the two were discussing, the body language suggested that Obama was trying to convince Lieberman of something and his stance appeared slightly intimidating.

Using forceful, but not angry, hand gestures, Obama literally backed up Lieberman against the wall, leaned in very close at times, and appeared to be trying to dominate the conversation, as the two talked over each other in a few instances.

Smilin' BarryHussein... intimidating? Noted internet madman and fabulist Warren Ellis, between posting horrifying snippets of the true nature of the universe, took time to comment:

Kelly Sue and I just said “LBJ-style!’ at exactly the same time. Kelly Sue, however, has breeding, and didn’t follow it up with “Obama should have shanked the prick and left him to bleed out.” No, that was me.

"LBJ-style"? Saints preserve us. Surely this arugala-munching, non-bowling, big-eared naif can't be... oh my stars and garters... a tough guy?

This is in keeping with Dark Steer Theorem #4432... "The politics of hope is a sham."

The "Politics of Hope" (Patent Pending) is the shiny, smiling face Obama and company have put over what is really a hardscrapple political operation. You look back on his political career and you'll see some arm twisting and pretty cynical political operations. He elbowed his way into his first Democratic nomination in Chicago, clearing the field via technicalities. And check this choice quote:

"To my mind, we were just abiding by the rules that had been set up..."

Sound familiar? Yep, that's pretty much smilin' BarryHussein's canned response to the Florida/Michigan fiasco: This is not 'Nam... there are rules.

So BHO [Dark Steer Aside, here: Wouldn't it be fun if the Obama campaign did some iPod style marketing time'a'time? Standard platform positions ending with "It's not a politician. It's BHO"] goes on to the next round robin and he's smiling all the way. Arm-twisted his way onto the national stage, got the Clintons into a submission hold. The Clintons were complaining the whole way that the Obama campaign was underhanded, race-baiting, Rovian even. But Smilin' BarryHussein comes out of it with but the slightest bits of dirt on the shoulder.

So what if he is this mudflinging, underhanded, shiv-happy politicoschemer? That means the Dems have got a vicious streetfighter in sheep's clothing. A brawler with a happy face. Isn't that exactly what the Dems need?

Congratulations, Sahib!!

To recap, sahibs:

Sunni radicals are having a government-sponsored bitchout in advance of a government-sponsored interfaith summit in Mecca.

Mohammed el-Baradei is going to Syria. Syria says that's fine.

Sunnis in Lebanon are being truculent about the compromise government.

The President has said some wack shit about Iran. So has John McCain.

Hezbollah released the remains of (at least) two Israeli soldiers in exchange for one live hezbollahi.

Everywhere around the Middle East are the wriggling vestigial tails of Bush's Iranienkampf. As the second term winds down, the strategy of mollycoddling Sunni governments to check Iran has devolved into watching each state in the region pursue its interests catch-as-catch-can.

Thus is the administration reduced to feebly attempting to sabotage peace when it comes by another's terms; to nudging action through language; to wheedling for more oil; to averting its eyes from repression.

Ehud Olmert, unlike the President, is capable of admitting defeat and moving on. Having seen that Hezbollah can simultaneously frighten his people, snarl his military, win the hearts of hitherto-moderate Lebanese, and win a PR victory, he's decided to sue for peace. Bush's response (or someone's response, because I'm sure he doesn't give a real shit) is to lash out at Iran. Yawn.

Negotiators and technocrats the world over roll their eyes. Syria suggests to Israel, "Hey, while we're at it, let's settle with Lebanon over the Chebaa Farms." Israel: "Aight." Iranian conservatives, for their part, back Ali Larijani for speaker of Parliament, snubbing our old friend Mahmoud. And the Lebanese back off the brink of civil war, form a government, and no one even bats an eye when Bush's boy Fuad Saniora remains prime minister.

What we're learning, slowly, is the absolute limit of American influence in the Middle East. Israel humored our request for an airstrike in Syria, found nothing, and has had it with our slam-dunk intelligence services; they're negotiating for peace. Egypt is working with Hamas to stabilize Gaza. Hezbollah is going to have a plurality of power in Lebanon; Moqtada al-Sadr is going to have a share in Iraq. The things everyone from the Weekly Standard to the Atlantic thought were portents of the end of time will all happen.

A hush will fall on west Asia, and we will pay 5 dollars a gallon for gas. Certain men will make noise about the catastrophe to befall the US in the region if we let X or Y happen. Other men will bruit about the benefits of sticking it out, as if the House of Saud were populated by leprechauns with a cache of black gold. In short, we will be irritated.

But everyone else will be cool.

So in the next few years, when some retro-Bushite lets out a war whoop, or some imam talks about the Devilish Occupier, and you want to scream for the region to calm down, think instead of the Dude and Walter, and imagine the placid faces of Khalid Meshaal, Ali Larijani and Bashar al-Assad all saying in unison:

"Calmer than you are."
--
ds

where purple and gold rule happens...

Just a quick note. We here at the Dark Steer Report are well aware of the import of the continued rivalry twixt the green and the purple and gold. Truly, the rejuvenation of the storied rivalry 'twixt these teams is a good NBA.

That said, Lakers in Seven. Outside chance of Lamar Odom hoisting the NBA Finals MVP trophy in the Garden.

Just like God intended.

Revenge!

Many are searching for meaning in the release of former press secretary Scott McClellan's tell-all memoir. Everyone's coming up empty. The emerging consensus is that Scott exists in a credibility-free zone, having cirque-de-soleil'd the news once too far.

As near as Dark Steer can tell, Scott McClellan lied once in three-plus years of briefing the press. It's true that literally every other minute, something far afoul of the truth was gushing forth from that chinless wonder-worker. But only one definite lie. And that, to David Gregory about Scooter Libby not being involved in the CIA leak, wasn't even his.

Then it's possible that Scott McClellan is no more a congenital liar than any other press secretary. It was his job to massage fiction into fact. And the people attacking him are proving -- as Dickerson says -- the point of the Plame Leak, that the administration wastes its enemies.

Why publish now, when all Scott's revelations are old hat? When no one is interested in Libby-Plame-Niger-WMD? When it does no harm to the administration? When all Frank Rich's columns from the period can finally be read for free?

Scott indicts the press for being Bush's lackeys? The snivelling, perenially offended, namby-pamby Scott McClellan of old berates the Fourth Estate for failing its audience? Watching Scott anew, I wondered.

And that's when I remembered my Notorious B.I.G., his own poetry of nihilism: "I'm sick of niggas lyin', I'm sick of bitches squawkin'. Matter fact, I'm sick of talkin'." Clearly, this is a transformed man. Call him Scott Furens: altered by rage at the succession of blows to his self-image, sick of shovelling shit, lashing out at all. This is, after a fashion, the part where he paint hisself blue like Titus and start to head bussin'.


As with any revenge tragedy, the point of this Act V suicide attack is already moot. No harm could be done to Bush's credibility that hasn't been done already. Scooter Libby has been pardoned. Karl Rove is busy not testifying about other shit. And the beneficiary of all this violence done to his men's careers, to the rule of law and to our institutions himself gets to stand and introduce the war hero as our new Emperor. In Phoenix fundraising for McCain, the President might as well have called for Rome's scattered grains to become one sheaf, or called for the election of Lucius Andronicus, a uniter, not a divider.

Epilogue: snippets:

"David, it's not a question of whether or not I'd like to talk more about this."
2:43 P.M. EST October 31, 2005

"The President directed the White House to cooperate fully, and that's what we've been doing."
1:04 PM EDT July 18 2005

"MR. McCLELLAN: I'm saying that that is not the way that this President or this White House operates, and I've seen no evidence to suggest there's any truth to it.

Q Are you saying Novak was wrong in saying that it was two administration sources who were the source for --

MR. McCLELLAN: I have no idea who "anonymous" is. I often wish --

Q It's not anonymous. He says senior administration officials.

MR. McCLELLAN: That would be anonymous.

Q Well, that would be senior administration --

Q Like the guy who briefed us last week?"
12:58 PM EDT July 22 2003

"Q Scott, you have said that you, personally, went to Scooter Libby, Karl Rove and Elliot Abrams to ask them if they were the leakers. Is that what happened? Why did you do that, and can you describe the conversations you had with them? What was the question you asked?

MR. McCLELLAN: Unfortunately, in Washington, D.C., at a time like this, there are a lot of rumors and innuendo. There are unsubstantiated accusations that are made. And that's exactly what happened in the case of these three individuals. They're good individuals, they're important members of our White House team, and that's why I spoke with them, so that I could come back to you and say that they were not involved. I had no doubt of that in the beginning, but I like to check my information to make sure it's accurate before I report back to you, and that's exactly what I did.

Q So you're saying -- you're saying categorically those three individuals were not the leakers or did not authorize the leaks; is that what you're saying?

MR. McCLELLAN: That's correct. I've spoken with them."
12:58 P.M. EDT October 7 2003

"Q Does the President still consider it vital to find these crucial weapons to uphold his credibility? Or does he believe, like Wolfowitz, that it no longer matters, the question of finding weapons and --

MR. McCLELLAN: I think we made it very clear that we are confident that we will uncover the full extent of Saddam Hussein's weapons of mass destruction program.

Q Where are they?"
1:17 P.M. EDT July 23 2003

--
ds