Walnuts to college kid: "Your girlfriend wan' ride with me..."

So that's why McCain has to keep firing his campaign staff! He needs them back in the industry drumming up funds!

Regional campaign manager Doug Davenport and Republican convention chief Doug Goodyear departed after acknowledging having represented Burma. Eric Burgeson, who lobbies the federal government on energy issues, left Thursday. GOP consultant Craig Shirley parted ways with the campaign because of his ties to http://www.stophernow.com[...]

Yeah, don't believe the hype about Walnuts' boys working for Idi Amin and Than Shwe; this is strictly business. Doug Goodyear can now go back to directing contributions from Verizon to shadow 527s...ditto Tom Loeffler and EADS.

Loeffler lobbies for the European Aeronautic Defence & Space Co., which, with Northrop Grumman Corp., won a lucrative contract to provide air refueling tankers for the Air Force. McCain helped scuttle an earlier contract that would have gone to a competitor, Boeing Co.

Clearly, this is McCain's version of the Gore-China story. Watch for the Pernicious Influence of France stories coming this fall!***UPDATE***The first Pernicious France story of the season! Frogs, Hamas Talk Shop! An admission more pernicious for undercutting Sarko...stay tuned!

So which is more crooked, rigging defense contracts for your buddy, or rigging telecom regulations for your girlfriend? And what's up with all the Verizon people on Walnuts' payroll? Is he on an industry oversight committee or something? Oh yeah...

Now, step two is, if McCain's financing is going to come from unregulated contributions, does that mean Friends of Johm McCain was a clever ruse? My contributions to John McCain for President might be limited; nobody's looking for my contributions to Jon, Jonn, John McCaim, Fats Walnuts, etc...

I'd like to make clear that I don't exactly have enmity for John McCain. He's got a hard row to hoe, having to run against his own party, against his own history, with the dead albatross of the last presidency, with, in all likelihood, some tight-comber born-again from a right-to-work state as his VP. If it were Dark Steer running, Dark Steer would be crankier! With this in mind, I watched, "McCain to student:'Thanks, Jerk!'" and thought, "Damn right, Walnuts! Tell these whippersnappers to get the earbuds out and listen up!" I mean, you can tell how taken aback he is by the sheer assholedom of the question.
Next time, John -- if that is your real name -- use one of our Unsolicited Rejoinders, such as:

"I'll admit, during the primaries I did have to change diapers a couple times. But those were Huckabee's."

"You forget about the privileges we accord the demented. I mean, I could kill your smartass right now and just make up a reason!"

"Well, Beavis, your mom doesn't think I'm too old."

--
ds

...none of you nuh better look at me funny....

Just a quick bit on the political future...

NYTimes has got an article on Walnuts' fundraising flaccidity and how BarryHussein could pretty much afford to pay for McCain's campaign and still out spend him by a factor of twelve. Walnuts, of course, then goes to the RNC and Republican machine with hat in hand and hangdog face, seeking some cash and coordination.

But that's all well and known: the old man can't raise any money. Again, my question is: what's up with Mitt Romney?

Mr. McCain is likely to depend upon the party, which finished April with an impressive $40 million in the bank and has significantly higher contribution limits, to an unprecedented degree to power his campaign, Republican officials said.

To that end, Republican officials said they were enlisting President Bush, a formidable fund-raiser who has raised more than $36 million this year for Republican candidates and committees, for three events on Mr. McCain’s behalf. They will appear together at a fund-raiser in Phoenix on May 27, and the next day the president will take part in a luncheon with Mitt Romney in Salt Lake City and then an exclusive dinner at Mr. Romney’s vacation home in Park City, Utah.

Now it's generally agreed upon that McCain needs to pick someone who could credibly step in and take his place should he shuffle off this mortal coil to that great tiger cage in the sky. Romney's an okay bet. The veep status takes the Mormonism thing somewhat out of the spotlight. Romney also brings a certain degree of chops on the economy.

But what's Romney get out of it? If Walnuts loses with Mitt as veep, Romney essentially becomes a Mormon John Edwards--nice try, but you've the stink of loser still hanging about you. If Walnuts wins, Romney is first in line after the one term presidency. But the Vice Presidency isn't as much of a straight shot to the presidency as one might think: only five out of forty-three presidents were elected to the office from the position of Vice President.

So Mittens may not take the gamble. But if he plays a good Mittens and holds the requisite fundraisers for the candidate and makes the right connections, he could come out in '12 as the new face and future of conservatism.

My bet is that he's taking the long con. He's young-ish and still very rich. He could write a book or two on the need for a return to moral purity. Decry the cesspool of the internet and cable television and co-ed colleges and automated can-openers and miscegenation. Hit up the Ingraham-Hannity-Limbaugh Circuit for a couple of years. Not rely on it too much, but have them all there as a base. In the mean time, push your competency as your major selling point. Offer yourself as the aspirin and Gatorade cure for those in the party suffering from a Bush hangover. Re-emerge in 2012 with solid grass roots support as the competent front-runner with enough support from the party's soul to carry you to the nomination.

And, of course, still lose in the general because nobody likes the Mormons.

"none of you nuh! better look at me funny
NUH! you know my name, now gimme my money!"
-Old Dirty Bastard, "Baby I Got Your Money"